The Star Diaries: Further Reminiscences of Ijon Tichy (From the Memoirs of Ijon Tichy Book 1) by Stanislaw Lem

Author:Stanislaw Lem [Lem, Stanislaw]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HMH Books
Published: 2012-07-18T04:00:00+00:00

The Twenty-First Voyage

Upon my return from the 27th century I sent I. Tichy off to Rosenbeisser, to take over the post vacated by me at THEOHIPPIP, which he did, though with the greatest reluctance, and then only after a week of scenes and running about in the little loop in time. This done, I found myself faced with a serious dilemma.

Say what you will, but personally I had had quite enough of improving history. At the same time it was entirely possible that that other Tichy would again make a mess of the whole Project and Rosenbeisser would send for me once more. I decided therefore not to wait around with folded hands but take off for the Galaxy, and the farther the better. I left in the greatest haste, afraid that MOIRA might try and stop me, but apparently things were at loose ends there after my departure, since no one took any particular interest in me somehow. Obviously I didn’t want to run off just anywhere, so I brought along a pile of the latest guidebooks and also the annual supplement to the Galactic Almanac, which had grown in my absence. Having put a tidy number of parsecs between myself and the Sun, I felt safe at last, and started thumbing through this literature.

As I soon discovered, it contained quite a bit that was new. Here Dr. Hopfstosser, the brother of Hopfstosser the famous Tichologian, had worked out a periodic table of civilizations in the Universe—based on three principles which enabled one, infallibly, to locate highly advanced societies. These were the Laws of Trash, of Noise, and of Spots. Every civilization at the technological stage gradually finds itself up to its ears in garbage, which causes tremendous problems, until the dumps are moved out into cosmic space and put—moreover—in a specially designated orbit, to keep them from getting too much in the way of the astronauts. In this fashion one obtains a growing ring of refuse, and it is precisely its presence that indicates a higher level of development.

However after a certain time the trash changes in character, for with successive strides in intellectronics it becomes necessary to dispose of ever greater quantities of obsolete computer hardware, to which old probes, modules and satellites attach themselves. These thinking junk heaps have no desire to spend the rest of eternity revolving around in a ring of garbage and so they break away, filling up the regions about the planet, and even its entire system. This stage leads to the pollution of the environment—with intelligence. Different civilizations try to combat the problem in different ways; occasionally you have cybernetiride, e.g. special traps are placed in space—snares, mines, lures for sentient flotsam and jetsam—but the effect of such measures couldn’t be worse, since only the inferior garbage, inferior mentally, lets itself be caught, consequently this tactic actually selects out the more perceptive of the trash; these band together in groups and gangs, organize raids and demonstrations, and the demands they present are difficult to meet, namely, spare parts and a place to settle down.

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